how do you live so happily while i am sad and broken down?

So I had a lovely weekend.

Yes, I'm only just now getting around to telling you about my weekend.

Saturday I went with my friend S to see Amanda Palmer. It was a good show, and she sounded exactly as good in person as she does on her recordings. She did this really cool thing: she asked concert-goers to send in 7 pictures, each with a theme, to her website by each city. Then she used those as the background art projected onstage.

Here is some video footage I took of it:


Note the guy in the cowboy hat. In every single picture I took. Thanks for that dude.

Here's another one, of her doing a cover:

It was really fairly awesome.

On Sunday, I'd planned to hang out around the house and recover from being on my feet on a concrete floor for four hours. Instead I got a call at 10:30 because one of my tennis teammates had gotten stranded in Tennessee and couldn't make it back in time for our match that afternoon. I played line 3 doubles (out of five lines) and not only did we win but it was the first competitive match I've played where afterward my injured foot did not hurt at all. Now the rest of me, that's a different story.

So that was my weekend. It was a good one. I'm feeling a little under the weather now, possibly because I went for a walk with a friend last night and got caught in the rain. Oh! And I've signed up to do the One Direction Big Bang, so now I have to get back to writing that AU I started this summer.

Okay, the subject line is just because I've had that song stuck in my head all week. I just bought it off iTunes last weekend. Video here, if you're interested.

So one of my friends was teasing me about having deep thoughts lately, and I realized I hadn't shared them with you all. And that is a travesty! :D

Thought #1: I wonder how much of global warming can be attributed to setting off atomic bombs? I don't pretend to know a lot about science, but it seems to me that a few giant mushroom-cloud-inducing explosions cannot have helped, but no one ever mentions it in relation.

Thought #2: I've been thinking about how music has shaped my life, and how much the internet has played a vast part in that. Ten years ago, I never listened to anything that I hadn't heard on the radio. Now, 90% of what I listen to isn't even played on the radio. And it's changing the way people who grew up like I did, rurally, have access to the outside world. As a teen, I didn't even realize there was other music out there than what showed up on the Top 40 stations. When the pop scene got particularly bad (Milli Vanilli, anyone?), we threw in tapes of the Eagles, Queen, the Beach Boys and the Beatles. The Pixies? Nope. The Ramones? Never heard of them. The Stone Roses? Forget about it! I'm really amazed at myself now for not questioning it.

Thought #3: I don't question a lot of things, or at least I didn't then. I started my drum lessons two weeks ago, and my instructor was telling me how he started playing in band, but his parents wanted him to stick to piano, not drums. Very similar to my story, except when they told him no, he learned anyway. I'm actually frustrated with myself over this, although maybe I shouldn't be. I'd like to think I've grown a little in this area, learned to stand my ground, to stand up for myself. I also can't remember if I said anything to the teacher about it at the time. I hope I did; I hope I didn't just quit. Although that flute was pretty damn nasty - they smell like spit, people. Dried, metallicized spit.

and these are my thoughts. aren't you glad I shared them?

In other news, I am mostly recovered from the plague, save a lingering cough. I have my second drum lesson tomorrow, and I haven't practiced as much as I would have liked to (difficult to drum and cough at the same time, as you would imagine). I am going to try to buy tickets tomorrow to see Panic! at the Disco in April (fingers crossed!). Also, I might be writing another song. It is called "Nothing Rhymes with Circus" because I'm sorry, but some things DO IN FACT RHYME WITH CIRCUS. You will just have to wait and see what, though.

It's taken me nearly two years to be able to say the sentence "I am a writer" and not feel like a fraud. I would always tell myself that I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't published, that my writing didn't "count."

I don't feel that way any more... or at least not most days. But the one thing that always amazes me, and continually eludes me, is songwriting. I'll hear a song that touches my heart, or makes me want to punch a wall, and just. So much emotion, so much feeling, in so few words. And I can't do it.

But of course, I've tried. And now I'm going to inflict it on you :) 'Cuz I'm like that.

( Five-Dollar Freak )