how do you live so happily while i am sad and broken down?

 So very tired.

I had today off work, and I had a doctor's appointment and a dentist appointment so I had to get up early and head into downtown.  Well, Midtown really but I find that confusing in Atlanta because really they are next door to each other. So weird.  Then I ran over to the library, where I got, among other things, Rainbow Boys by Alex Sanchez.  I was getting another book by the same author, and was sucked in by the cover.



That's Matt Bomer, isn't it?  The guy in the back?  Or just someone who really, really, really looks like him?

I also went to see Spiderman again.  I had a free pass.  It was as good the second time.  Spiderman isn't my favorite superhero, I generally find him a little whiny, but I like this iteration so far.  

Then I came home, at lunch/dinner, and cleaned up a bit.  Then I absolutely crashed out.  I fell asleep on my couch; I never do that.  I hope it doesn't throw me off tonight, as I'm driving to Asheville tomorrow to meet up with my parents and my sister for the weekend.  They decided at the weekend that they wanted to get away for a week or so and are coming out to the mountains to get away from the awful heat and dryness of the midwest right now.  

Also tomorrow, I am getting my first ever mammogram.  It's a few years early, but my doctor wants me to have a baseline on file, which makes sense.  I'm still a little nervous though.

 You know what's really not an awesome idea?  When you're already writing (ish) two One Direction fics, and you decide to start a third.

*headdesk*

At least this one is a) short and b) completely plotted out.  An unfortunate side effect of that was that I was so busy plotting it in my head while I was pumping gas this morning that I didn't see a homeless lady come up to panhandle me, which a) nearly scared me to death and b) reminded me that gas stations are not the safest place to zone out.

I have had to get up early the last two mornings to go to the doctor's.  I still have a sore throat - 2 weeks tomorrow, ugh! - and I decided on Sunday that enough was enough.  So I went to see my fantastic GP yesterday, very worried that he would tell me I needed to have my tonsils out, or you know, that I had throat cancer.  WHAT?  It's an option!  Did I mention I'm a hypochondriac?  Anyway, he examined me, and said that he thought I was having reflux issues at night and that that can lead to throat issues and a susceptibility to infection, which could explain why I've been sick 4 times already this year.  He referred me to see an Ear Nose Throat specialist, the same one I went to for my otosclerosis in 2008.  So I saw him this morning, and he agrees.  I'm taking Pepcid for a month, and I'm supposed to elevate the head of my bed with books and not eat 3 hours before I go to bed.  Oh, and he's running a DNA test to make sure it's not throat cancer.  WHICH I DID NOT ASK ABOUT, I SWEAR.  I am aware of my own neurosis.  He is just thorough.  

( Cut for medical grossness )

I have a ton of things to do, and I need to make a master to-do list to calm myself down, but I'm not in the mood right now.  I'll just add that to my mental to-do list.  *sigh*
ETA: OH! And I have an AO3 account now! Am vixalicious there too. (thanks MrsQ!)

• I played tennis yesterday and today for the first time in a month. I took the month of November off from it entirely, to try to give the plantar fasciitis in my right foot a chance to heal. It hasn't. :( But I was so happy to play again. Playing two days back to back was probably not the best plan. Drills (community co-ed open play*) are on Fridays, my team play time is on Saturdays, and practice is on Mondays. I hate to give up any of them, but I think I will have to pick two of the three going forward. Friday or Saturday, and then Mondays.



• I have also joined the YMCA. I have been meaning to do more core strength training for a while now, and they also offer pilates, yoga, Zumba, and water aerobics classes. The Zumba is out for now, but the others - particularly pilates and water aerobics - let me exercise without putting strain on my foot. They also offer something they call Coach Approach, where you talk to a fitness person about your goals and they help you build a program to meet them. I had my first meeting today. I wasn't crazy about the woman I saw, but I am happy about the weight training program I will be starting.



• I am going gang-busters on the craft project I started today. It's a cross-stitch wall hanging of this picture I found on the internet. I will post a picture of the finished product.



• M is home, so hopefully no more crazy cat stuff.

*There was no way to type that to not sound a little dirty.

Today was my birthday, and I had a fabulous day.

Now I am about to tell you what I did, and there will be parts of it where you scratch your head and go, "She did that on her birthday and is happy about it??" That's okay. I have come to terms with the fact that I am indeed a special snowflake. It's fine.

First, one of the really cool things about my work is that included in what they call "floating holidays" is the option to take your birthday off. So today was literally a holiday for me. \o/

So this is what I did today:

• Went to my GP for a physical, which included getting the update for my HepA/HepB vaccine, getting bloodwork done to test my cholesterol, and having an EKG.


• Went to Krispy Kreme and got donuts as a reward for all the needles.


• Went to Lowe's and got keys made for the house. Intended to get keys made for tenant, but instead got really pretty keys made for me. I also got more houseplants so I can pretend like I can grow things.


• Went to Ross and got 2 photo albums, 5 shirts, and two dresses. 3 of the shirts I didn't even try on til I got home, but they are all great and one of them is so awesome I want to wear it EVERYWHERE. I got all this for $100.


• Went to my laser hair removal appointment.


• Went to Bed, Bath, & Beyond and got more fabric cubes for my office.


• Hung out with my friend at the tennis center; sadly couldn't play because you're not supposed to get overheated for 24 hours after the laser hair removal.


• Picked up my dry cleaning.


• Got a salad from my favorite Mexican place.


• Came home and got the mail, only to discover gifts from friends had arrived!


• Got wished happy birthday by my mom, who asked if I'd opened my card yet. I had not, as I'd just gotten the mail, so I opened it while I was on the phone with her, and YAY! They'd sent me a $100 check*! So it's like they bought me all the clothes I splurged on - *\o/*


• Went on a "Don't Get Killed by Strangers from Craigslist" errand with the same friend from earlier and had a nice chat.


• Came home and washed the curtains and baseboards in my bedroom.

*Yes, I'm the baby, why do you ask?

Now, as I said, some of you may be thinking that this would be a horrible way to spend your birthday. No special dinner? No friends everywhere? No attention? No party? But for me, this is perfection. Over the years, I have determined that while I love my friends and family, and I am excited to celebrate the occasion of my birth with them, it is in everyone's best interest if we don't do this on my ACTUAL birthday.

This is what happens on my birthday: I am a Virgo. On our best days, we're your friend who remember to bring sunscreen, bug spray, and bandaids on every outing. On our worst days, we are the anal-retentive bitches melting down on the side of the road because NO ONE IS FOLLOWING THE PLAN. Guess which one birthdays tend to fall under? Every year, my anxiety level would rise higher and higher as plans were made, but then changed at the last minute. Or people were late. Or the service at the restaurant was bad. Or we couldn't get to the movie theater on time. Even on the celebrations that turned out well, I always felt like at the end of the day, I hadn't had as much fun as everyone expected me to have.

The beauty of my day? Everything was under my control. I wasn't dependent on someone else to show up, no one was trying to make me have the bestest birthday ever, I got to do all the things I wanted. I accomplished things. I had a productive day, and was pleasantly surprised by all the things that I hadn't even planned on, like finding fun clothes and getting fancy keys.

And tomorrow, I will go out with my friends to a joint celebration with another friend from tennis whose birthday was this week (so we can share the spotlight, whew). It won't matter if half the people don't show, or if twice as many people show as RSVP'd, or if the guys at the karaoke place who barely speak English mess up our reservation and we get crammed into a tiny room. I had my birthday, and everything else is just icing on the cake.

No, I haven't given up on this. I will complete it! Even though I've spread it out over 3 months now.

Day 26: Your week, in great detail

Monday, March 1:
Woke up feeling not so great, with a bad headache. Worked all day, nothing too exciting. Then I skipped tennis practice since I was feeling not so good. I ran over to Michaels to buy paper for my photo album, and then went grocery shopping. I was going to get myself dinner at Moe's, but I missed their operating hours by about ten minutes. Came home, fixed myself dinner, worked on my photo album.

Tuesday, March 2:
Woke up feeling feverish and clammy. I took my temperature, and it was at 99. I was actually relieved, because that explains why I'd been in such a bad mood; I'm always rage-y when I'm getting sick. Finished up work early, so I worked on my photo album. Made myself some soup.

Wednesday, March 3:
Still tired, but feeling better. Worked - did some support call work, held my two training sessions for the week. Found out that Bob Bryar really has left MCR, very sad. Worked captions for my photo album. Stayed up far too late faffing about on the internet, re-tagging old journal entries.

Thursday, March 4:
Got up and ran to my physical therapy appointment for my carpal tunnel. Last appointment, yay! Grabbed lunch from Willy's, and came home. Worked on support calls all afternoon. Completed the embellishments on the photo album. Was safety person for my friend Katherine for her first eHarmony date; she was not kidnapped, yay!

Friday, March 5:
Worked on support calls in the morning; annoyingly I have 5 going right now (this is not my actual job, just helping out another department) which are basically resolved but am waiting to hear back from the client to confirm that what I've told them actually worked. Then did my actual job in the afternoon, four hours of conference calls, an hour and a half of paperwork. Took a super quick shower, and ran to tennis drills. Went out to dinner afterward with Katherine, our regular Tennis and Tequila outing at a local Mexican place. Came home after and put the photo album together, finished, yay!

Saturday, March 6:
I took a day for myself. Slept in til noon, didn't really get up at that point. Worked on tagging old LJ entries, read a blog by a woman who gave up her career to move to Hong Kong with her boyfriend, did laundry, cuddled cat. K came down after work, and we went over to my friends' house for an awesome vegetarian dinner (fake chicken cordon bleu, rudabega (sp?), asparagus, and homemade rolls, with pears and caramel ice cream for dessert, plus yummy lemonade cocktails!) and a movie - Girls Will Be Girls - which should totally be a cult classic, it's hilarious. Hint: none of the girls are actually girls. Came home really late.

Sunday, March 7:
K got up to leave for his parents' house in Florida for spring break early. After he left, I went back to bed until noon. Still tired, but not so hungover as I probably should have been (yummy cocktails were yummy) thanks to copious amounts of water ingested throughout the night. Personal computer wouldn't start; took battery out, started up. Had to restore, screen is not working right (flickers, goes dark, etc). Backed up files in case of premature death; will probably take it in to Best Buy sometime this week. Ran to play tennis, sort of won - I won the first set 7-6, and then half way through the second set, when the score was 3-3, my opponent forfeited due to fatigue (she has had a cold this week.) I am happy to have the points, but it was a bit of a let down. One of the girls on my team was playing a match at the same time, so I stuck around to watch the end of her match, and then we went to dinner. I came home, and have planted myself on the couch, and that pretty much brings us up to date.

( Future Days )

So I've spent most of the afternoon/evening dealing with the water that came into my house. Nowhere near as bad as many in metro Atlanta tonight, though, so I'm counting myself lucky (or trying to). Hopefully it won't be too damaging, but the rain isn't stopping, so it could get worse I suppose. Ugh. I am now the proud owner of a shop-vac.

In other, equally cheery news, my great-niece is in the hospital with a high fever which they are leaning toward diagnosing as H1N1. *worries*

And I'm still so tired. I didn't go to bed when I should have last night and I've been dragging all day. I actually managed to injure myself SLEEPING. I was having really weird dreams - like, at one point, I had locked myself into a bathroom to eat lasagna and then my family was knocking on the door telling me it was time for dinner. WTF?? But anyway, I somehow managed to sprain my wrist. I guess I was flailing around, or something? The most impressive part was that I was wearing a wrist brace at the time. /o\

Bed soon!

*sigh* Sunday night already? Really?

Um, let's see. Friday night was fun - gotta love trips to the ER! I started having abdominal pains that came on really suddenly, and I knew what it was from last time - kidney infection. So I called my doctor's office but the doctor on call said I had to go in because they can't diagnose that over the phone. Fair enough, but that meant four hours in the ER. It was at least humorous since the exam room they had me in was next to the nurses' station and I got to listen to them saying things like "Anyone know what happened to the pregnant lady in 36?" Apparently they lose people.

So Saturday was pretty quiet, because I was feeling kind of out of it, while the antibiotics kicked in. I was so muzzy-headed that I set off my home security system trying to go out to plug in my lawnmower! I haven't done that once in the two years I've lived here!

I took it really easy on Saturday because I knew I had a tennis match today, and I wanted to be able to play. My partner Claire and I were playing last, so we took the court around 4pm, and let me tell you, today was a warm day in Atlanta! It was low-to-mid 80s here, and so hot that I had trouble taking a deep breath on the court (hi asthma, thanks for showing up at inopportune times). BUT! Despite all that, we won! My goal for this season was to win one set, since last season (our first) my goal was to win one game and I did that. This season I have come close a few times but could never close the deal, and today was the last game of the season. So now I have won game, set, and MATCH! And I was playing really well today, so I'm pretty proud.

I was in such a great mood when I got home, I sat down and played my drums, which I have been woefully neglecting, for almost a whole hour! Now I'm trying to catch up on some housework - notice I'm doing an awesome job of procrastinating by blogging. Which I still feel like I don't do as much of since I got twitter. Ah well! Maybe I'll start trying to do one serious journal entry a week? I'll think about it. Feel free to share your thoughts!

So let's see. Today I went to the dentist. It was ok - I need to floss more, but the lady said I did better than last time, so I'm counting it as a win.

Then I went to the optometrist, because I have a few hundred dollars left in my flex spend plan from last year and I needed to use it so it didn't get taken away. I picked out a pair of sort of gunmetal-gray, sparkly frames. The guy who checked me out was sort of weird. I think maybe he was flirting with me? He kept staring at me kind of creepily, which is disconcerting when someone is in your personal space anyway. Yes, two feet away on the other side of a desk is my personal space. I'm strange about these things. He took way too long to get me checked out, and I kind of wish he didn't have my address now, although I'm sure nothing will come of it. Hopefully I'll manage to pick them up when he isn't there or something.

And that's about it. I've spent the evening cleaning my house. My life, so not exciting.

So we're supposed to give the Treasury $700 billion and not ask them what they did with it? Yeah, no. What I find amusing about all of this is that the Republican party still has the nerve to try and paint Democrats as 'tax and spend' - pot, kettle, black much?

Anyway, so our economy is failing and I'm too chicken to go online and see what this is doing to my 401k. Also, I've forgotten my password, but mostly too chicken. At one point I had $70k in there, and the last statement I got, which I think was Q1, I remember that the amount of money I'd lost this year equaled the amount I invested last year. Good times. *chants 'long term investment, I'm only 33' over and over*

In good news, at least I have my health! I went today and got my hearing tested because it's been a year since my operation. My good ear is slightly above normal, and my operated-on ear is mostly in the normal range, with some below normal in lower frequencies. \o/ Yay for not being deaf in one ear, which I basically was last year.

I plan on celebrating this by practicing my drums tonight. I have really been slacking with the drums. I think about them every single day, but that is not the same as playing on them. Oddly, I think I'm developing a fear of failure about it - like I'm afraid to find out how bad I really am. Which is stupid, because it's not like I intend to do anything with it. I'm not exactly looking to join a band or anything.

I've also been trying to meet a goal of writing 500 words a day. I've hit it most days, and my bandom Harlequin is at 8000 words now. Sadly, I'd say this is the half-way point. Or maybe the third-way point, because I keep thinking 'oh, and I need to address this, and this. Oh, and this.' I'm going to have to make up my mind about what really goes in. Also, I've finished writing all the parts I had plotted out, so I guess the next step would be figuring out where it goes from there. I was hoping it would have just come to me by now. That did not work out.