how do you live so happily while i am sad and broken down?

Things I absolutely have to do this weekend:

a. Mail a birthday gift. Well, finish buying the gift, then mailing it.
b. Mail in my passport renewal. Countdown to work trying to send me somewhere fabulous & me having to say no in 3, 2, 1...
c. Work. I hate to do it, but I am training our new product on Monday and I'm not prepared. I'm half-prepared, which is better than nothing at all.
d. Go to the birthday party of a complete stranger. The things I do for my friends, sigh.
e. Pack. That won't take long though.

I fly to Chicago on Sunday. I'll be in the city, and at a nice hotel, but I'm expecting work to wipe me out so much that I won't have much time to enjoy the city. I'll be onsite with a colleague, but one I haven't worked with before, so that's a bit stressful. He wants us to go to dinner on Monday and I've said yes which I don't normally do but I thought, hey, make an effort. So really I'll barely be there at all before I'm flying back on Tuesday night.

In other big news, my tenant/roommate/whatever you call it when someone rents a room in your house is moving out. She got a new job in Boston, and is leaving at the end of the month. The money was very nice, but I am looking forward to having the house to myself again. I am already mentally planning the deep clean/rearranging that I want to do. I am going to move my craft stuff upstairs to what was formerly the packing room and is now the guest room, since the guest room stuff can go back into her room. I have almost two months between her moving out and my family coming to visit for Thanksgiving and I am betting that it will take me every second of that to get things in order.

Today I have mowed the lawn and then assembled 90% of this IKEA bookcase all by myself. I can't get the side and the bottom on, though, that will have to wait til Scott comes over on Sunday. Also, I almost broke it, but I think I salvaged the panel that I messed up, and only one dowel pin lost its life.

It has been a busy week for me as I am trying to finish up a lot of projects that have been in the works for months now, in order to con my tenant into thinking I'm not a total slob. Over the weekend, I moved my drum kit down to the rec room and vacuumed the packing room. Then on Sunday, I met Scott for brunch and a day of errands. This was my birthday present (early) from him - a day of helping me get some of the larger purchases I needed to make home in his SUV. We started at the furniture store where I bought this chaise lounger. Unfortunately they didn't have it in stock, so we will be going back next Sunday to get that. Then we went to IKEA and got the aforementioned bookcase along with this this bookcase. Yes, they are the same, but in different sizes and colors.

We brought them home and unloaded them, then Scott helped me move the bed from the guestroom to the packing room, which I will now have to start calling the guestroom. Then that night I put together the small bookcase. I got it together on my own, but I can't move it to the right spot so that is on the list for Sunday as well. In the meantime, NOTHING IS IN THE RIGHT PLACE AND MY HOUSE IS OUT OF ORDER.

*sigh* Someday I will learn to clean without first making a bigger mess, but that day is not yet here.

I'm also feeling the need to make a master to-do list, so feel free to ignore the next section.

( Cut for boring-ness )

And all that before Labor Day weekend and all the Dragon*Con madness!

So today I sat on my couch from 10 am to well, NOW. So that was exciting.

The bright point of my day was when the County Code Enforcement officer rang my doorbell. Yeah, I've let the lawn get away from me. It was a bit tall when I left on July 2, but it hadn't rained in ages and I hated to mow it when it was so dry. I planned to mow it when I came back on the 8th, but of course I was too dizzy* to stand up that whole weekend so that did not happen. Then when I got home this weekend, I really should have done it but I was so tired. I really didn't do much but sleep. And it's rained a lot the last too weeks.

The guy was really nice about it, and there's no fine. I just need to mow it by the 30th. I have a guy that one of my friends uses coming by tomorrow because I think I need a backup plan for when I'm travelling or sick. It's happened a couple of times now, and it would take worry off me to have a plan.

The only other thing that happened today was that I called my sister, only to find out she was travelling with my parents and they were headed to a hotel in upstate New York that they weren't going to get to til 1 AM or later. I looked at it online out of curiosity and saw that one of the reviews said the hotel had bedbugs which of course I had to tell my sister. So she canceled that reservation and I helped her find a nice hotel near where they were so they could get off the road at a decent hour. Which was still a quarter til midnight, so I'm thinking it would have been more like 2 AM before they got there.


*While I was home I got sick with Labrynthitis, which despite sounding fake is a real thing. It's basically constant vertigo combined with nausea, with added sensitivity to light and noise. I don't recommend it.

Ok, so more concert thoughts from Wednesday:
*I got to hear Gerard say 'mothafuckas' live.
*Mikey Way's bass is a sparkly, sparkly thing.

I took Wed-Fri off. Thursday I ran errands and then went to a laser hair removal appointment. I can't remember if I mentioned it on here, but I got a Groupon deal - 6 sessions for $400, normally a $2500 value. So I am giving it another go, we shall see. After that, I came home and started my major project, painting the panelling in my office. I got the deglossing treatment done on 3 of the 4 walls that night.

Friday, I went and got more deglosser and finished the fourth wall, then painted one coat of primer on the other 3 walls. It looked like crap. Like "oh my god I'm going to have to pay someone a lot of money to come fix this" levels of crap. I took a break to go play a tennis game (we won, yay!), and then came home and put a second coat of primer on the 3 walls.

Saturday started off with another game of tennis - we won again, but it took 3 sets. It really should not have, we were better players, but we couldn't quite get it together in the first set. Then I came back home and... you guessed it! Painted. By the end of the day, all four walls had 3 coats of primer on them. They looked pretty good!

Today, I slept in! After lunch, I went down and painted the trim and the door white, and then put the sample paint on the wall. I have learned that no matter how much you think the color you've picked out matches everything, it's best to try it out before you commit to purchasing a whole gallon. So far, I think it looks lovely, but I am going to live with it for at least another day to be certain.

As a reward, and to get out of the house, I went to see Thor. It was so-so. I was distracted by:

a) the guy who plays Thor sounds just like Heath Ledger
b) Loki is played by Johnny Weir's evil twin. No, really, look:( Pictures or it didn't happen )
c) the completely unsubtle product placement. This movie brought to you by Southwest Airlines.
d) the lack of AC/DC. How can you make a movie about the god of Thunder, and NOT PUT THUNDERSTRUCK ON YOUR SOUNDTRACK????

And that was pretty much my weekend. OH! And another one of my plants is blooming - my mini rose! Apparently it's been all about the amount of sunlight, who knew?

So this weekend I had these grand plans of re-doing the wire shelving in my bedroom and bathroom closets. Why are such simple projects never actually simple? Why do the people at Lowe's and Home Depot never actually helpful? Anyway, now my house is a mess and I haven't had the time/energy to go get the things I need to fix them. The shelf I had cut for the closet is a quarter-inch too long, which was frustrating - I got soooo close to getting it put up, but then was DENIED. And then I realized that the shelving I bought for the bathroom is narrower, and wouldn't fit the clips I had bought. Sigh.

It's all led to this feeling of frustration over not being able to actually finish things, which bizarrely makes me want to sit and do nothing.

Day 27: This month, in great detail

I got up early and got ready to go, then called the doctor's office to see if I could get in to see the doctor or get a prescription called in. He had me come in, and with actually very little waiting, I got a prescription for antibiotics and cough syrup. I love my doctor, he's really nice and he's the only doctor I've ever had where you spend more time with him than the nurses. And he remembers every personal detail I've ever told him about where I've lived, my family, my hobbies, etc. This from a man I see once or twice a year!

It was just before noon when I got out of his office, so I swung by my favorite Mexican restaurant and got take out, then took my prescription to the CVS near my house and dropped it off through the drive-through window. I went home and had my lunch, then I went to Wells Fargo to talk to them about my mortgage and investment accounts. They don't do the mortgage thing there, that's another branch, but he called the lady for me. Oh, maybe I haven't mentioned this? Right before Thanksgiving, Wells Fargo rebranded all the Wachovia banks, so they bank in Georgia now. They called me to see if I was interested in refinancing my mortgage, which I would be if the details were right. Historically low interest rates and all that, plus if there's no catch the paperwork they sent me looks like I could lower both the interest rate and length of my mortgage and save $50,000. (I'm pretty sure there will be a catch.) Then I started the paperwork to move 3 investment accounts I have at 3 different banks to Wells Fargo, in the continuing effort to leave Bank of America.

That took AGES, and really wore me out. I was going to go over to Bank of America afterward and close my account, but I just didn't have the strength. So instead I came home and blanketforted on the couch and watched Hoarders and ate blackberry cobbler. And now I am going to take my cough syrup and go to bed! Good night!

Day 28: This year, in great detail
Day 29: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30: Whatever tickles your fancy

One of the reasons I haven't really updated my journal lately is because I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed by life lately. It's silly, because this is a great outlet for frustrations, but I haven't felt up to using it. I'm going to try to be better about that.

Some of the reasons I am feeling overwhelmed:

My family:
This has not been a great year for my family. My mom had a stroke. My aunt had a lumpectomy, which led to a mastectomy, which then led - I'm still not sure how - to a ruptured colon. My oldest brother had a bicycle accident that collapsed his lung. My other brother has had some unknown virus that caused him to lose 25 pounds (which he didn't have to lose; I asked how I could get this virus, as I could stand to lose it easily.) Everyone is healing from their calamities nicely, but it's been one thing after another, with a lot of worrying and feeling helpless. And I've spent a lot on flowers.

My job:
I've had a lot of problem sites, with challenging installations, lots of overtime. It's been a rough summer.

My weight:
I've gained about 25 pounds in the last year. I am super unhappy about this - I feel fat and gross and ugly. I know these things aren't true when I look in the mirror, but it doesn't stop from me from feeling them. Luckily I'm not carrying it the way I did last time I was this heavy, because I am a more active person now, but I do not want to stay this way. I'm trying to diet, but I'll do good for a few days then blow it (usually on the weekends.) I play tennis two or three times a week, but I need to supplement that with the Wii and with the treadmill, and I haven't been able to motivate myself to do so.

My house:
Well, really the yard. After I had that horrid bout of poison ivy, I got kind of scared to go out there. It turned into a jungle. This is one area where I've made some progress recently. I had let the house get dirty, and I've been cleaning. I finally got the yard mowed today - I was going to give up and call someone to do it, but the weather was under 90 today with a breeze, so I sucked it up and spent about 4 hours mowing, weed-eating, and leaf-blowing. I still need to spray for the poison ivy and weeds. I want to buy some sort of sprayer that will be easier to use than the Round Up I've been buying - the squeezy thing hurts my hand.

So these are my woes. They're not the worst in the world, and trust me, I know there's a lot of people that have it worse than me. But they are mine, and they have been making me sad. I'm still getting out, playing tennis, meeting up with friends, etc, but I don't feel like myself.

Three or four times today I've thought, "Oh, this is what I'm going to update LJ with tonight!" and yet now that I have time, I'm not sure I remember them all. This is why twitter sometimes works better for me - quick and easy. Except I don't tweet everything as it also goes to my Facebook. Social networking is tiring sometimes.

Anyway. One of them was definitely that I got my termite-infested tree taken down in my front yard. I took some pictures, but basically, 100 foot tall pine tree is now a pile of sawdust. I am happy about this and would take the other three down in a heartbeat if I had the cash. Pine trees suck, y'all. And I have ten other trees on my third of an acre, so I don't feel there's much environmental impact there. But the funniest part of the whole process is that my beloved cat - who is afraid of the vacuum cleaner, the sound of trash bags being opened, and occasionally her own shadow, just to name a few - was fascinated. She watched from the window the whole time and cried when they were done.

Other things I thought about today that I'm now too tired to go into: a post about comfort eating and my not-yet-enacted exercise plan for watchme_not_eat and thoughts for here about a conversation my sister and I had last week about how maybe we're both actually happier when we aren't dating. I'm noting these here because I would like to come back to them, and maybe by mentioning them, I actually will. Worth a shot, anyway.

Ugh, worn OUT. I played tennis today, very badly. You know it's bad when afterward your opponent says, "I don't think I should have won that, you're a better player." Which was nice of her, and sadly probably true. My game was not on today, and I kind of didn't want to be playing. I think it was the timing - 2pm is not a great time to play, the sun's in just the wrong spot and it's the hottest part of the day.

Then I came home, and despite not wanting to do anything but lay around on the couch, I mowed my lawn. I get so sad when I mow now, the ground is in such horrid shape after the plumbing work I had done last fall. One of my friends from tennis, her brother-in-law used to have a landscaping company and she says he would help me - I think I'm going to email him this week.

Also on the to-do list house-wise is taking care of the pine tree out front. I can't remember if I mentioned, but a couple of weeks ago I noticed it was being eaten from the base up and eventually will fall. It's only a 100 feet tall, I'm sure that won't do any damage. Luckily it's the one facing away from the house. I need to call the power company on Monday to follow up on the email I sent them to see if they would do the removal for free, since it's aimed right at one of the major power lines on the street. If not, bye-bye $800. And another $250 is going to fix my mailbox, which has a rotted stand and is falling over. They're coming on Monday to do that, and I think I'll have them look at the kitchen floor, which seems to be sagging a bit, see if there's some preventative shoring up that could be done.

To do tomorrow:
Clean lawnmower
Change oil in lawnmower
Trim trees/bushes
Blow leaves/pollen (yes, I said pollen - it's covering the ground like snow!)of the porch and driveway
Put round-up on driveway cracks - AGAIN
Pick up trash in yard, remove bricks from backyard, etc.
Spray wasp killer around doors and eaves
Water lawn/setup timers


Don't you wish you had a house??

Well, I nearly had another home decorating fail tonight. I was trying to hang tension rod for the fabric wall for my bathroom downstairs (second attempt, it fell down the first time). I needed to hang a hook from the ceiling to support the center of the rod, and ONCE AGAIN, I stripped the screw. Half in, half out, not budging in either direction. :(

I walked away from it for a while and hung up the toilet paper holder and hand towel holder, which were relatively easy - there was a touch-and-go moment with the hand towel holder but I conquered it. Then I took another look at the screw, got a standard screwdriver (it was a phillips screw) and slowly unscrewed it by hand. Then I figured out that the screw I was trying to use was too long to fit in the space between the ceiling and whatever flooring or whatnot that was stopping it. I got a shorter screw, screwed it in by hand, and voila!

Or at least, it's been up for an hour and it hasn't fallen down yet.

I'm giving it a while before I hang up the towel rod that it would probably knock down if it fell. Maybe tomorrow night.

Anyway, all I've been thinking about lately is how my house isn't where I want it to be, because I'm having a party at the end of the month and I want everything to be perfect. Which of course it won't be, but I'm trying. There's also a lot of stuff I want to buy right now but I'm going to have to prioritize.

Chair for the living room: $200
Painting my office: ~$200
Fertilizing and re-seeding my lawn: $150
Furniture for the office: ~$200

I'm holding off on the office stuff for a while, definitely til after the party and probably until after Coachella. I will probably work on my lawn this weekend, if the rain stops long enough.

That's the exciting life I'm leading right now :D I was kind of down tonight thinking of all the stuff I needed to do, but now I'm feeling better that I've accomplished something.