Singing the blues...

[vixalicious]

So this weekend was kind of sucky... I had a killer headache on Friday night, Saturday was rainy and blah and I did laundry and not much else, Sunday was more rain and canceled tennis and the return of the killer headache. I think it's sinus related, with the change in the weather and the barometric pressure switching around. Or maybe I'm just defective, I dunno.

Anyway, I still had the headache when I woke up this morning, and I was exhausted, despite having gotten eight hours of sleep and having napped on Sunday afternoon too. So I called in sick to work, which I rarely ever do. But there was nothing on my schedule today and I just couldn't see trying to pretend I was fine for no good reason. I went back to bed and slept til 1, then lolled around the house til about 5pm.

I've been really, really lacking in motivation and happiness over the last couple of weeks. I don't know whether it's a problem with my mood, or weather-related, or just that ho-hum time of year or what. It could also be related to my diet - I probably don't get enough protein. But anyway, I realized today that I just feel lately like I'm failing at everything, which is silly, because I'm not really. My house isn't spotless, and I don't practice my drums enough, and I haven't finished every craft project I've got started, and my lawn looks like crap because I can't mow it due to all the rain we've gotten. But none of those are failures, they're just stuff I haven't done. I don't know why I'm so hard on myself sometimes, I should really stop that.

Tonight I was better. I went to Target and got some pain-killers and sinus meds. I came home and talked to my sister-in-law and my sister, and cleaned my kitchen and living room. It's a start. Tomorrow's goal - start working out of the office again. I tend to work on the couch when it gets cold because my office is in the basement, but it's supposed to warm up tomorrow, and I think I could really use the mental separation between work and home.

Another part of my funk has been caused by the complete lack of dating life I've had my entire life lately. Around October-ish, I decided to really give internet dating a go again, and to try to be more active, etc. It has netted me exactly ZERO dates. I really don't understand the male thought process... if we are both on a dating site, and you email me and I email you back, I am not averse to getting a cup of coffee with you. Just ask! I've even put it in my profile, albeit worded more nicely. What worries me the most about this is, well... before I could always tell myself that it was because I was too fat. But I really look the best I think I've ever looked, which makes me feel really awful about the whole thing because this is me, you know? They can see the real me, and still no one's looking. Oh, thirty pounds, how I miss hiding behind you! Not really, but at the same time, kind of.

So, yeah. My insecurities, let me show you them.

Comments

[aubieturtle.livejournal.com]

There's a reason why it is said that e-mail really means eunuch-mail. Meeting people online has some advantages but overall there is just too much browsing and too much hiding all around. As Woody Allen is believed to have said, "90% of life is showing up." All to often, people get stuck online and never show up much of anywhere in the physical world.

With that said, I'm still giving it a try online but not very seriously. Meeting people through events on Meetup (though not at the events I organize since it's kind of creepy in my opinion to start a group to hit on people) and out and about just seems like it gives the whole process a bit of a kick start.

A bunch of people at work have similar symptoms to yours. The pollen and back and forth weather really screws with the body. At least two coworkers have doctors appointments tomorrow because of it.

[vixalicious]

Yeah, realistically I know it doesn't work out for that many people, but then again it's worked for both of my closest girlfriends here in town. So I'm loathe to give up on it. And I'm trying to go to more event type things, it's just that all my hobbies are very girly, I guess.

And I'm glad to hear others are similarly afflicted - let me know if it's the plague or something :)

[yellow-oranges.livejournal.com]

Hang in there vix! Spring is coming. Hopefully the boys will stop acting so wimpy.

[vixalicious]

Oh, let's hope!

[dalehead.livejournal.com]

I agree with aubierturtle! Sometimes we are so busy writing and posting about life, we forget to live it. I would recommend going to the theatre but I live in London so obviously that is quite easy for me. But social intercourse seems to be the way forward!

*hugs*

I do hope you feel better soon sweetie.

[vixalicious]

I do get out, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. Oh well, guess it'll happen when it happens. *shrugs* Or it won't.

Thanks!

[shirecreature.livejournal.com]

I've been doing internet dating for months now on 3 sites, and haven't gone on one date. Men are just idiots. It's not how much you weigh, you could be slim, they'd still find a reason to be critical. Men don't know what they want or who they are. Their profiles say one thing but they really aren't like that. God I could write a book by now.

As for feeling like you are not accomplishing goals you set for yourself - I think that's a very common complaint (ooh I sound like a shrink). I have had a lot of friends say that to me. I used to feel like that myself, now the only goal I have is to exercise at least 3 times a week. I can manage that one. And you know what...if I don't...I don't.

Oh and the headache is probably sinus, change of seasons and all that. Drink a lot of fluids and try using that saline salution to clean out your nasal passages, it feels weird but I think it helps. Good for you for calling in sick and sleeping!! I don't know how many times (and you have done this too) that I have gone into work feeling like crap and wondered what was the point of it.

Shit that was a big post. Sorry.

[vixalicious]

Sometimes I think I should try the pay sites, but I have a feeling it would just be the same old same old, only I'd be more broke. Plus eHarmony skeeves me out. Oh well.

We're turning warm again, so hopefully that will help, but the saline is a good idea.

[purple-hazed.livejournal.com]

Just remember that guys suck!! They don't really grow up! From what I read, here and there, it seems that maybe some guys who do online dating are scared of women, wheras women do it cos it seems a good way to meet men!

[vixalicious]

I understand the fear of rejection, because it has always sort of been up to the guy to make the first move. It just seems like on a site where you're both there for dating, and you've emailed, that fear ought to be gone. Oh well, obviously expecting too much!

[purple-hazed.livejournal.com]

I don't have any experience with this,although it has not stopped me commenting before!